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Big Brother’s Big Question

Big Brother’s Big Question

So the 13th series of the “normal” Big Brother is upon us this summer and the audition process begins very soon. I’ve decided to write/type this blog to offer some Jeremy Kyle-style advice to anyone wishing to become a BB Housemate this summer….

Before auditioning the question you have to ask yourself is ‘What do you want out of the experience?’ If you’re looking for an amazing way to spend a summer and meet some people that you probably won’t want to ever meet again then yeah go for it. However, if you are looking to make buckets of cash and want “fame-in-can” then move to Essex,get a boob job and hope ITV2 ask you to have a walk on part in TOWIE.

Big Brother is still a reality TV juggernaut but it’s not the beast it was. The days of setting yourself up for life after appearing on the show are long gone. My year (2008) was probably one of the last years that many ex housemates made money after the show through personal appearances and photoshoots etc but these days the ex-housemates from the past few years are lucky to switch on their towns Xmas lights (an honour I’ve had for the past 4 years!)
Many members of the public wrongly measure the fame a housemate taking part in BB 10 had with the likes of Jade Goody. The days of making millions and selling thousands of bottles of perfume in Boots are as dead as she is. Yes you will get recognised in the street for a long time, yeah you probably can’t go to the corner shop for milk without someone saying “aren’t you that guy from Big Brother?” but at the end of the day, the milk isn’t free and if you’re looking to pay for it off the back of BB I’d hire a vocal coach and try your luck on The X Factor.

As I said, it’s an amazing experience and I’ve managed to carve some sort of media career from it, but trust me every day is a fight. Contrary to popular opinion I wasn’t just handed a national TV column, a radio show etc I had to work to get them and still fight every day for what I want. The many downsides to Big Brother become more apparent as time goes on, one day you think you may just want to go back to ‘normal’ you may want to take the 9-5 job at Aldi but you can’t because people expect something bigger from an ex-BB housemate they expect you to peruse the Z-list yellow brick road path resulting in your own 2012 calendar etc.

The actual audition process itself is as long and gruelling as sitting through The Saw films. Every little detail of your life will be served up to them on a silver/wooden platter and there is no hiding. Be prepared to reveal such intimate details as, When did you lose your virginity? What’s your favourite sexual position? I’d advise you to sit your parents down and answer these questions to them, better they hear it from you rather than page 47 of the Daily Star if you get into the house.

Throughout the entire process your life will be placed under Big Brother’s big magnifying glass and there is no escape. Yes it’s a cliché but many ex housemates will give the same advice “be yourself” and I’d agree with them unless yourself is a duller than dull sociopath then I’d say stay at home and play World of Warcraft.

In conclusion, if you like your life as it is now but want just that little bit of extra spice to tell the grandchildren when they turn 17 then yes go for it but if you’re happy getting anonymously drunk on a Saturday night in your local town without the fear that someone thinks you’re a tosser and will punch you then take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself do I really, really want/need the hassle?