After ten years of sob stories and stage fright, Luke Marsden wonders why we still bother tuning in..
Why do we do it to ourselves? From now until Christmas we’ll be tuning into The X Factor every week looking for the country’s next Leon Jackson but instead we’ll find a batch of people who’d make Big Brother audition tapes look classy.
Armed with a sob story about our hamsters tragically dying and a lunchbox full of cheese sandwiches we could all stand in line for hours on end hoping for our one chance at looking into Nicole’s eyes.
For the past fortnight Gary Barlow looks as though he’s slept during most auditions and Sharon Osbourne specially requested her surgeon give her the “wide awake face” this year.
You have to wonder what Oscar winning musician Adele makes of guy who’s never trimmed his eyebrow butchering her song? Colin Stacey serenaded the judges at the same time as decimating ‘Someone like you’ whilst looking at a picture of his cat Patch. Now we all know Colin didn’t have a cat in hells chance of getting past “The Room” but I’m sure Louis Walsh thought Colin reminded him of a young Adele. It’s ok, Colin will be back next year with a sob story of his cat running away…
Surely a mobile DJ who has played at the likes of his third cousins wedding would’ve got past the foursome and got to the arena audition? Thomas Feeley’s audition was like your Dad asking to have a go on the Singstar game after lots of pints at a family party. Unfortunately Gary and the clan let him continue on for over a minute, I would rather have listened to extracts from Sharon Osbourne’s fiction book than Thomas’ soul destroying audition.
The X Factor is not only a show that creates dreams and nightmares, it also allows second, third, fourth, fifth and seven hundred chances. Just because Louis Walsh said no one year doesn’t mean he won’t think you’re the next Jedward the following year.
Jade Richard’s was rejecting at Judge’s pretend-it’s-our-home home two years ago by Kelly Rowland I’m sure Kelly didn’t mean to turn down such a talent she was probably just miffed that Beyonce didn’t text her back.
I bet one thing Simon Cowell is missing on the US version of the show is a good yodel. Anyone named after a bank and walking in with a guitar clearly should be a live show finalist. Barclay Beale’s yodelling got Nicole to remove her jacket quicker than Lewis Hamilton ever could have. He extracted four yeses and a place at the arena auditions, not a bad day out for someone who can’t even legally drink yet…
I’ve watched this show for a decade, you’d think this countries talent well would be bone dry by now but the punches keep on rolling perhaps by the live shows we may actually see some punching or at least some water throwing by Sharon, that’s why she’s paid the big bucks right?